chest wiggles
or is it a burning sensation
now it’s gone
will it come back?
What do I want to think about?
what do i want to do?
Nothing and everything, all at once
Overwhelmed with input
Maybe output will help
help with?
It’ll distract while i’m doing it
cross examining my own motivations
what does it matter?
You can’t think that way!
why not?
Because if i think that way i’ll never produce any fucking shit worth selling
and if i don’t sell then i don’t get money and if i don’t get money then i don’t get food, fuzzy feelings and fun things
but what if somehow i just have the money anyhow
then i might struggle to find motivation & meaning
fuck that. everyone struggles
doing a job for money felt like meaning
until it just felt like a distraction
from the scary feelings. the insanity of it all
says the rich kid.
fuck it; feels true
food, tv, books, people, conversations, games, sex, whatever
i want it all
then I get it and the want quickly fades
and I grow restless. agitated.
& I need to do something
is it tangible? sometimes
profitable? doesn’t matter
describable? how much time ya got & is rationality important?
valuable? for me, sure. For you? I want to care about others, but i only have so many fucks to give
& how much do I have to promote my shit?
none at all
any promotion is my own doing
pressures, critiques and praise are real
but practice owning actions
I doubt it’ll diminish my rage, but it’ll distract and propel me for awhile